Forgiven
by sophiesophiesophiee
Summary: She had left him, and it hurt like nothing before.


**Just a one-off drabble. There is no point to this whatsoever. Apologies. Also, I own nothing. Everything belongs to Julian Fellowes, the lucky, lucky man. **

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Elsie Hughes was nothing but a memory. She had left to look after her ill sister and he had neither seen nor heard anything from her in the three years following her departure. Often, he would wonder what she would say if she saw the state of the house in her absence. The maids were unorganised, despite Anna's best efforts to keep the schedule just as her predecessor had left it, and Charles sometimes sat in his pantry, longing for her to appear in his doorway.

When she had packed her bag and left, Charles knew that she was taking a piece of him with her too. The piece of him that allowed him to feel, like a normal human being; the piece of him that he gave to her, not long after she started at Downton; his heart.

His nerves did not allow for him to make his feelings known to her before her departure. Instead, all he managed was to ask for an address to which he could forward what was owing to her. Naturally, he had done as he had promised and in response, he had received a warm letter from her, informing him of her sister's condition.

He had not replied. It wasn't that he did not want to, it was more that he did not know how. He longed to tell her how he felt but now that she was so far away, it was all the more difficult for him. He missed her terribly, of course. Sharing leftover wine in the evenings, offloading his worries and concerns, talking about what the future might hold. He no longer got to do that. Anna had her own life, a husband and a house of her own to look after. She had no time for an old butler pining after his lost love.

The staff all knew, of course. His mood in the weeks following her departure had no other possible explanation; he was in love with her, pure and simple, and he didn't care who knew. Even Lord Grantham had questioned his deflated demeanour and the only explanation that Charles could give him was that he missed his friend.

One evening, following a particularly testing incident involving untrained footmen in the dining room, Charles decided that it was time to get back in touch with his old friend. He went through 4 sheets of paper before he finally settled on the draft of the letter that he would send her. He reread it three times then folded it into an envelope, ready to be taken with the morning post.

He waited and waited for days, weeks, months for a response. After three months of having heard nothing, Charles gave up hope. He had obviously upset her with his lack of correspondence and was being punished as a result. So, with a heavy heart, he went about his regular duties, trying his utmost to push all thoughts of Elsie Hughes to the back of his mind.

"Mr Carson, you have a visitor." Anna's head appeared round the doorframe of his pantry and he nodded, placing the silverware back in the cupboard and making his way to the back door.

The figure he saw made his heart stop for a moment. Stood in a greet hat and coat and clutching her bag, Elsie Hughes stood with her back to the door, surveying the yard.

"Elsie?" The word had left his mouth before he had the chance to correct his manners. She turned to him, a small smile on her face, and he noticed that the years had not been kind to her. There were lines on her face that had not been there when he had known her, and her skin had taken on an almost grey hue, matching a few strands of her hair that escaped from under her hat.

"I hope you don't mind my turning up unannounced. I just…wasn't sure where else to go." It was then that he noticed the tears in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. He reached out to her and took her hand in his, squeezing it warmly.

"Come inside, Elsie. We can talk about it in the warm." She stepped in before him and he took the opportunity to inhale the scent that he was so familiar with when she worked here, the scent that he had longed to smell after she had left him.

The two of them settled in his pantry, grateful that Anna had ensured that they would not be interrupted. It was early on a Thursday afternoon and he would not be needed for a few hours yet. He looked at Elsie for a moment, using the opportunity to take in her appearance minus her hat and coat which she had removed when she entered the room.

"What's happened?" He probed gently, drawing her attention away from a mark on his desk. The tears returned to her eyes upon his question and he instantly felt overcome with guilt.

"She's dead, Charles." Her voice was quiet and wavered unsteadily when she spoke. "My sister, she…she's gone." He wasn't used to the emotions that Elsie was displaying and was unsure how to deal with her. He reached out, uncertainly, and touched her hand. The contact drew the ghost of a smile upon her features and he was glad that he appeared to be helping.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Elsie." He murmured, unsure what else to say. "When?"

"About two weeks ago." Came the response. Her emotions were too raw for it to have happened a long time ago and Charles kicked himself for thinking negatively of her recently over the lack of response to his letter. "I have no one now." And then she broke. He had never seen her cry up until this point and knew that this would be the time for another first, too. He rose from his seat and moved to her, wrapping his arms firmly around her body and drawing her to him.

They stood, together, for what seemed like eternity, nothing exchanged between them but the occasional movement of a hand on the other's back. Elsie's breathing became more even and Charles gently released her from his arms, despite wanting to hold her forever.

"What will you do now?" He asked.

"I don't know. I might find a tearoom or shop to work in. I know I'm getting old, Charles, but I can't sit around all day doing nothing. There was something I needed to do before I left here today and I hope you'll forgive me for it." She looked at him for a moment, contemplating her next movement. She gave a gentle nod to herself and stood up on her toes to press her lips very gently against Charles'. She quickly pulled away and sunk to her natural height, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Elsie?" He waited for her to look at him. "You're forgiven."


End file.
